Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if only i could text you this smell
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
