Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
