i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
