can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We had to coat check the pizza.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
