I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
