I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
