There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
