curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
