I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
