I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
