we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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