There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
