He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
