well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
