Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
