Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
