I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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