my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
