Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
