no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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