Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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