You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
