so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
