Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just googled if crying burns calories
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
