We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
