I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
