do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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