I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
