so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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