I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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