3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
