Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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