Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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