you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
