I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
