i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it's like heaven, but drunker
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
