This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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