Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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