The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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