If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
