hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
