just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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