Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were destined to go to rehab together
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
