then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
