Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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