were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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