At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
