I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think your dad took our porno
I have feelings that need drinking.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
