we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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