I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
